As it stands, it’s been almost a year since I’ve published a blog post. That’s a very long time.
I started blogging late in 2010 (on Tumblr, like a boss) and for four solid years, I’ve been blogging strong. Through the bad, through the ugly, through the good, through the great. But six or so months ago, things shifted. Things changed. I was unable to write. I was unable to think. So I deleted my old blog. I deleted my Facebook. I retreated from the world of words that once brought me comfort and found solace in journals where no one could read what I had to say.
So why did that happen? What changed? Well I’ll tell you and it’s the stone cold truth: I ended my marriage.
The truth is that my marriage was rather rocky. It was unstable. It was hard. Now I know that half of you are reading this and saying to yourselves, “Well that’s marriage” but I have to tell you that you’re wrong. Yes, marriage is supposed to be a trial, but it is not supposed to be unhappy. There should be moments of hardship, but there should not be constant moments of grief and sorrow.
Now, I want to be very clear here that my husband did not beat me. He did not cheat on me. He did not hurt me physically in any way. But I was very unhappy.
I had expectations from marriage and so did he, but they were not the same.
I had expectations for my life, my career, my happiness, and so did he, but they were not the same.
With two very different ideas of what we wanted, we stayed married for almost two years. And for almost two years, we did nothing but create distance between each other. We didn’t share anything anymore: interests, talks, stuff, etc. We moved into a house with two bathrooms, so aside from our king sized bed, we shared nothing.
I could write for hours on all the reasons that I decided to leave, but I won’t. I can’t. I also, shouldn’t.
So after we moved to Texas and I started to work a lot, I came home one day and packed my things and I left. It sounds simple, but it was more like tornado. Our families were shocked, he was hurt, but I had made up my mind.
I can honestly say, terrible as it may be, that it is the most selfish thing I’ve ever done. It was hard, but it was also honest. As weird as it may sound, it was the right thing to do.
So now, I hit restart on my life. At twenty-three years old, I’ve chosen to change everything that I know.
I gave up my home, I gave up my dog, I gave up my husband, I gave up almost all my material possessions, but…
I have my career, I have my friends, I have my family, I have my dignity, and I have the thirst for a big life.
This is one brick wall that I hit hard, but I learned from it. Bad things happen to people all the time, but they are what you make of them and I know, I am right where I am meant to be.